Nose Gun
by snowwinter486
Summary: In which the ex-CP9 members are met with a broken nose Kaku.
1. BEAUTIFUL PERFECTLY STRAIGHT AND SQUARE

Title: Nose Gun

Author: snowwinter486, challenger: shisturen69 (did I spell that right?)

Pairing/Characters: Kaku, Lucci, Jyabura, Blueno

Genre: CRACK, cursing, slight ooc-ness

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or the characters

Summary: After the Water 7 and Ennis Lobby, our CP9 members are met with a broken nose Kaku.

A/N: Could someone explain Kumadori for me? He's...complicated.

-x-  
[i]"There are one thing that will never be a weapon, you can hide it, you can bury it deep inside you, but it will come back up, and... One more thing that you don't use as a weapon," Roronoa Zoro, why are you in Kaku's dreams? Maybe it's just a flashback...

"W-what?" Kaku meanwhile, was completely surprised, this wasn't possible. A government weapon... that couldn't use some parts? Blasphemy.

"First and foremost your nose."

"I-It is too!" coughing on the ground, Kaku sounded slightly pissed. Did the male come only to mock him?

"No, not really," the male said, a sigh and a groan combination, the one sprawled on the ground fized his cap.

"And the other one?"

"It's your..." It was a shame that the male could remember it, but what he does remember walking to his and the former CP9 members' home slightly injured.[/i]

"What happened... no, don't tell me. I don't want to know," a large male with black hair that sticks like a pair of horns, stared at the black capped male in front of him, he had a rough voice in disbelief.  
"Um..." the orange-head was stammering, "Okay..." he sighed.  
"...Hey, Blueno," another large male, with long black hair flowing behind him walked in, looking for the larger man, "Holy shit! Kaku!" he yelled at the capped one, "What happened to you?"  
The long-nosed square man, whose nose was no longer straight, answered, "Um...I broke my nose?" he laughed uncertainly.  
"Oh my," cutting off his own sentence, the wolf-zoan looked back at him, "How did you manage that? You're tekkai one of the best in the world!" he yelled.  
A look came at him, "Jyabura, that's the first time that I've ever heard you compliment me," the voice was in utter surprise.  
"That wasn't a compliment!" he screamed, huffing and puffing, "God damnit..." he cursed under his breath and then, he sighed, "What happened?" he asked.  
Ignoring Jyabura, Blueno turned over to Kaku, "Well then, how are we going to fix this?" he sighed, "Let's get you to the hospital..."  
The three walked over to the hospital, and got a check-up, the doctor said in very hesitant tone, "You broke the nasal bone," and under the death glares between Jyabura, who was muttering under his breath, and Blueno, who was glaring at Jyabura to stop and be nice to the 'old doctor' and Kaku, who was twitching, [i] I'm not a test subject. I'm not a freak. I know another person that has a nose like mine. [/i]  
"How long will it take for it to heal?" with the nose wrapped up, the capped male's voice sounded different, far, far different.  
"Um... about a month..."  
It took all of Kaku's self-control not to shigan the man right then and there.

An awkward silence came through the living room as the entire occupants of the home were lazing around, eager and completely stunned about the information that Kaku had to share.  
"It...It's not funny!" a blushing Kaku yelled as Jyabura held back a laugh.  
"That's sexual harassment," Kalifa said, and pushed her glasses up.  
"Wh-what?" the wolf-zoan snapped back.  
A smirk, "Look, even Kalifa agrees with me!"  
"That's also sexual harassment," the blonde noted. The two looked at her, and she also commented on that, but before that, we heard a loud wail coming from the other side of the room.  
Turning over, "I'M SO SORRY! I SHALL COMMIT SEPPUKU! TEKKEI!" as clear tears fell across the face, a knife trying to kill himself, but failing as the defense came up and destroyed his blade.  
"As long as it wasn't mine," Kaku sighed.  
"Damn, you're still not dead," Jyabura growled.  
"Well?" at long last, the black, curly haired male spoke, "Is there a reason to it?"  
"There's no reason to idiocy," the wolf-zoan grinned.  
"That's explains you," the giraffe muttered to himself, receiving a twitch from the older male.  
"WHAT WAS THAT, herbivore?" he demanded, but shut up as the ever-so-cool Lucci kicked him from his spot of the couch.  
"Shut up, mutt," he growled.  
"WHAT?"  
"Jyabura," it was the harsh tone of Blueno that washed out everything else, "Kaku," nodding at the male...  
"I thought all of this was because you wanted to prefect your new move, chapapa~!" Fukurou chimed, and despite all efforts, the group stared at the square-nosed male, awaiting an answer.  
"Um... whoops?"  
It was a long night, for all of them, except maybe Hattori.

-Sometime later..  
"So, for someone that broke his nose for training, you're doing terrible," the leopard-zoan was currently bent over, one foot on Kaku's chest, right bellow the neck, and had his arms in his hands, he smirked at the male.  
"S-shut up!" he responded and calmed himself down with a couple of deep breaths. Ever since the last couple of days, the group was halfway eager for a battle, and luckily for the male, he didn't have to, because, well, he had a broken nose.  
Now that the nose was fized and completely healed, the group was ready for another rounds of fights, with no help from their devil-fruits, and well, Kaku was doing just fine, defeating almost everyone without using the new skill. Luckily, he didn't have to fight Jyabura, yet.  
And then, came along Lucci, that sadistic bastard...  
"So, where's this new skill?" that guy was enjoying this, every single moment of it, and Kaku was not happy with it.  
"...You really wanna know?" the capped male said softly, and the other male leaned it.  
"Why not? I'll figure it out one day," was it just Kaku, or was the male actually talkative today? "Why not today?"  
"Fine then," almost as though the male was bracing himself, the orange-haired male took a deep breath, and just breathed out loud.  
By now, Lucci was very suspicious by all this, but of course, he was silent about this, just narrowing his eyes as though he was watching prey, awaiting next moves.  
Now, the next thing the giraffe did threw him completely off-guard.  
Well, let's see, when a deadly, ex-government CP9 member with the highest Doukiri known, just fingertips away from your neck and vital points, what Kaku did was the last thing anyone would ever think of.  
A small snore escaped the long-nosed ex-CP9 member, as a fool's grin was plastered on top of it, "Hmm..." he moaned.  
Lucci was dumbfounded.

Was Kaku sleeping?

And then, he should have expected it when the next part came, "Bigan," he muttered, causing the male to jump off, a large cough came from the mouth, "Wow...That was..." he shuddered as he stood up, dusting himself off, he smirked at the male.  
"N...Nose gun," the male translated and sighed, "Only you Kaku," he shook his head, "The only person capable of that move in the most successful way," the other male stiffened.  
"No, that's a lie," he sighed, "There... There is another person that has this kind of nose..."  
Realization came at Lucci, "...But only one person that could properly pull it off, even if the nose breaks in the process," the older male continued, "You. And on top of that, you are the only person that would fall asleep in a middle of a battle."  
"Uh... about that..." a sheepish grin came upon the face, "That was on accident, I swear."  
"...Uh-huh," the male nodded his head.  
"Yeah..."  
An awkward silence fell on the pair.

-  
_"Heart."_

_"My...heart?"_

_"Yeah, your heart."_

_"...Well it's okay as long as no one gets there."_

_"You'll be surprised then."_

_"Will I really?" Kaku's eyes were closing slowly, the world was slowly slipping off his grip._

_"Yeah, but I think your nose will help you," Roronoa Zoro was planning to put off Robin just a little more, just until Kaku was..._

_"That's a nice idea... My nose gun will protect me..."_

_"Yeah, your nose gun, your one and only...That's pretty rare skills you know."_

_"Thanks..." it was the last thing Kaku could hear except the chef from before running in, screaming something..._

_No, Kaku was too tired, he wanted sleep._

_And it was sleep that finally came._

"Roronoa Zoro, the reason why my nose-gun came to be... How ironic."


	2. A small extra

An extra story for those who liked Nose-Gun:

* * *

-In a couple of years... (where Luffy is the Pirate King)-

"Hmm, you've gotten better," Zoro commented as Kaku scratched his nose.

"I know, I took your words to heart, but there are somethings in this world that I can't do," he sighed as he readied himself for the next blow, "I've seen that you've gotten even more arrogant."

"Thanks," Zoro grinned back, his headband was already on, "And I noticed you've changed as well."

"Is that so?" as they started a small battle with endless blows and blocking.

"Yeah, you're more..." both jumped back a couple of feets as the green-haired swordman unwavering eyes smirked.

Now, on the other side, the capped-male was awaiting the words, stronger, weaker, monstrous, weapon, machine, disgusting, words he was used to, words that he grew up with. Not was Roronoa Zoro had prepared for him.

"...Human."

A word that Kaku had forgotten about. A word that he never figured the defination about.

But for whatever reason...

It felt natural.

Maybe that's what counted.


End file.
